Excited Contentment

This has been such a whirlwind of a year. I FINISHED MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE. No doubt one of the best years of my life, there has been countless tears and worries, but the times of abounding joy and laughter outnumbers them all.

I like to call this season of life I'm in: excited contentment. Let me explain myself. 

There has been very short periods of time in my life where I have felt truly content in myself, God, and the position in which he has placed me. Maybe you can relate...

You got that job promotion or you got out of a relationship. And what did you do with it? Maybe you wanted to keep gaining power in your social status and in your work place. Maybe although you may have been satisfied being single for a little while, you soon got impatient and sought out love in the wrong places, for a "quick fix." 

Oh how our generation is plagued by this mindset! We constantly want MORE, and  will do almost anything to fill the void. What happened to "give us this day our daily bread" ? Our DAILY bread. Meaning enough nourishment for the day, just to get through.

 In my life right now, and for the past few months. I've learned what it's meant and what it feels like to content in my current circumstances. (Here's a rough outline: )

1. I am single. 

               Now, although before I have fell into singleness with the approach of "Oh I'll be single, and focus on myself and on God, and the right person will come along." I would tend to be jump at the first opportunity of a relationship. Never really grasping how important it is to embrace being "alone".  

 Currently, I am doing just that. I have never been this content in myself. I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm not looking for someone to "talk to," I'm simply genuinely satisfied in my relationship status, and have come to the conclusion (even though I was sure I had reached this verdict before), that God will bring the right person in my life just at the right time, and for once in my life I have no interest in rushing that process

     2. I am going undecided next semester.
  
               Not knowing what exactly I want to do in my life has led me to make the decision to be undecided next semester to explore my career options. At first, I was really anxious about this decision, worried that taking a step back was the wrong choice. However, I truly feel excited for the opportunity to seek out my other options.

      3. I am about to have the craziest summer of my dreams. 

        

            This summer is just about to kickstart. I'm on SNU's worship band this summer, and will be traveling with my team to different church camps all summer, and we start training next week. And while I'm BEYOND ecstatic for this adventure, I've honestly had some period of doubt and anxiety.

My mom told me a couple days ago, as she knew I was wrestling with these conflicts: "You are in exactly the place you are intended. God is gonna use you guys to witness to hundreds of people, and even though we'd love to have you here, your calling is THERE" 

We have a tendency of:

When we're here we want to be THERE.

When we're nervous of being there, we want to  just stay HERE. 

Philippians 3:13-14 says this: "12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength." 

Just stop. Take a breath. And consider the fact that where you are, may be exactly where God wants you to be.

He knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and he will honor those. 

How easily we forget that he is more than enough to satisfy our hungering and searching souls.

With all this being said, by no means do I mean I have it all together, or I don't have a care in the world. In fact, its a little scary and nerve racking to not know where your path leads even into tomorrow. However, I am confident that he will equip you, and equip me, for the journey he has set out for us.

Whatever it is for you. Whether it be being content in your singleness, to being content with your current job or paycheck, find that place within yourself and in God.

Look around the present and towards the future through the lens of excited contentment. There's nothing wrong with looking forward to all that is to come, God has promised us that he has plans in store for us beyond our wildest imagination.

We all just need remember to find satisfaction and contentment in the waiting.

Pray with me.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for creating us each differently. With a different path for each of us uniquely designed. God, I pray that you would help us to learn to find beauty in the waiting and satisfaction in resting in you. Be with us on each of our individual journeys, and help us discover who we are meant to be by seeking you above all other things. Calm our anxieties and worries that come right along with adventure.

We love you Lord,

Amen. 

We are Incomparable Works in Progress

This year has been a whirlwind.

5 weeks left of my freshman year of college.

Switching Majors.

New Opportunities.

Blossoming Friendships.

BUT. 

Discouragement and feelings of inadequacy are prevalent.

Uncertainty is always on the horizon.

Often I find myself wondering how in the world God has chosen me?

Have you ever felt like that? 
I mean, you know God has chosen you, loves you, and has a plan for you, but you still have trouble trusting in that. 
Believe me, I understand completely.

This morning at church ROCKED my socks off. Absolutely incredible.

First it started with Sunday school where we are starting a new video series over the book "gods at war." This book talks about what "gods" we have in our lives. The pastor in the video said "At the root of every sin is idolatry." I had never quite thought about that. We talk about sin, and we talk about how to sin minimally, but do we ever really discuss the root of the problem? 

One of the "gods" I think I struggle with is comparison. 
What I mean by that is several different things. 

1. I think I compare my sins, and even justify them with Christians I am in community with.
For instance: "Well, so and so is a good Christian, and they watch that show, or they participate in that activity, or are active on social media."
That is just not how it works. My convictions are my convictions for a reason. Maybe those people don't struggle with those things the way I do.

2. As a part of the music department, I think there is always, always, a struggle with comparison. Everyone struggles with that concept. "Well my voice can't do that" so I'm not good enough. Or whatever it may be for you.

3. Another thing within the comparison realm of things, is feeling inadequate to walk down the path set before me, or that I am ill-equipped to do what God has called me to do, as if I have "shoes to fill."

Here's the thing: 

This morning at church I felt God speak very clearly to me:
"How can you think you are not worthy, or that you will not be prepared for all I have for you? 
I will equip you.
How can you compare the creation of who you are to someone or something, when I have created and am creating that inside you?
TRUST ME, for the thousandth time.
I will use you in such incredible ways."


My goodness. What absolutely mind-boggling, and heart-pounding truth!! (I might have shed a tear or two or three or four....) I was absolutely overwhelmed and overtaken. It is incredible that God just takes us and mold us who we are to be. How crazy are we to not completely trust the plans He has for you, and the plans he has for me? 
 In the back of our minds we worry if we are doing the right thing, we worry what tomorrow will hold, or what 4 years down the road will bring.

A friend told me tonight: "God has instilled in you passions and talents unique to you. Don't worry about what you are going to major in or what you are going to do with your life. He has given you the power to choose what you want to do for the rest of your life. Do what you love, and the Lord is going to honor that and use you." 

2 Corinthians 3:18 says this: "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory which come from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

I am being transformed into His likeness. You are being transformed into His likeness. We are being transformed to be like Christ so that others may see that transformation written on the tablets of our hearts.

Therefore, since that transformation is taking place to shape us into Gods image, why should we worry about our own?
 Who we are, is who He treasures, even if we are uncertain as to where exactly our identity lies, or what we will do in and with our lives. 

Trust is key. Your journey is unique. You are incomparable. Let Him transform who you are to be.

Let Us Pray.

God, thank you for this wonderful weekend. Thank you for a beautiful warm spring day that revealed your beautiful truth and promises. Help us to always be sensitive to your Spirit, and self-aware of the things we idolize or struggle with. As we journey through the days, may we embrace the person you are creating us to be. You already know where we will end up, help us to trust you as we walk in the "where we are going." Thank you for desiring an intimate relationship with us, creating us all uniquely, calling us all differently, but creating us all in your image.

We Love you Lord.

Amen.

Your face, Lord, I will seek.

WHAT A YEAR. Holy cow. I've managed to graduate, go off to college, and do a little bit of what I like to call "trying to adult." The last time I blogged was the day I loaded up all my stuff in my little Honda Accord and left home. I have been so blessed by all of the exposure to music, my professors who are truly invested in me, I have the best co-workers and boss around, not to mention all of the wonderful friendships I have made in such a short amount of time, and recognizing how much "absence makes the heart grow fonder" of home. 

College is a BLAST. I have learned some valuable lessons this semester, and unfortunately some of them have been the hard way.

I have laughed my hardest. and balled my eyes out. I have felt extremely overwhelmed, and I have experience peace in the midst of the storm. My heart has been over the moon with joy, and has also ached with hurt.

Now, I know a New Year, always brings new resolutions. Not to say, that  I do not have a few of my own. I want to work out more (I know, what you're thinking. "You and every other person on this planet.") I'd like to get a little more sleep (which is quite laughable for a college student to resolve to, but it can't hurt to try.) Yadayadayada.

I briefly mentioned my experience with busyness this past semester. Relationships, work, school, cheer practice, voice practice, piano practice...etc. It was ALOT. Looking back now, yeah, it might have been easier to not have my plate as full, but I think the outcome of what I have discovered deep in my heart would have been different.

You see, in the clouds of all these "priorities" I prayed, I tried to pick up Jesus Calling either before I walked out the door in the morning, or before I fell asleep at night, and journal on occasion. God is always there right? We, I, take advantage of that. He is always there, so He is always going to forgive us for our faults. This is unshakably true, but we also must remember what a gift that is. Unconditional love and forgiveness is so very, very, precious.

My point of all this, is not to preach at you, and say "You need to make God your #1, priority." Which, He definitely should be, but I know as much as anybody, that 99% of the time, this is not the case. This must sadden our Father's heart greatly, He knows we struggle with this world, yet he craves for us to be close to him . Our hearts are constantly wrestling with the pressing deadlines and craziness life throws at us, but He offers peace, rest, and renewal if we would just make the time.

I just needed to share my heart with you all. I want to resolve today, tomorrow, the next day, this year, my LIFE, to being totally consumed by Christ's great love for us. When we pursue God, as he constantly and persistently chases our hearts, the plans we have will evolve into the plans HE has. He knows the DEEPEST, most passionate, raw, desires of our hearts. He will honor our dreams, when we honor Him. In all honesty, I am so tired of putting Him on the backburner, and being a "I'll do better tomorrow" kind of Christian. I want to be a "When I feel God convicting, I will act" kind of Christian. I am completely aware, that this proclamation is serious, and a difficult road to travel.  However, I long for such a transformation. I will mess up, the world will suck me back in, but I am only human. However this is only an obstacle, instead of an excuse.

Maybe you are like me. You desperately desire to find fulfillment and completeness in Christ. You want to find your identity in Him and nothing else. There are dreams you have of going after the things God has called you to do and maybe you have no idea what that will entail. Maybe you can not wait to find the person He created to love you for the very person you are or maybe you have already found that relationship and want your faith to be foundational in every situation

I am confident, whatever your situation may be, that if you let God take your heart in His hands, and are solely confident in who you are in HIM, everything, and I mean every little itsy bitsy, detail you ever wondered about will fall into place exactly how He intended.

As I took two minutes to read today's designated devotional. I was amazed at the words on the page, that seemed to be written for this precise moment in time. "Come to Me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close life with me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead seek My Face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind..... Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence. (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)" How absolutely wonderful. Also, verse reference at the bottom of the page served as another sweet reminder from the Lord because it was my all time favorite verse, Jeremiah 29:11. 
He has a plan, we will prosper when we chase after the God who shapes our hearts, step by step and day by day, His plan for me and you, will make a way.

"My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, Lord, I will seek."
Psalm 27:8

Let's Pray.

Father, thank you thank you thank you, for this year. Thank you for another day, and the endless forgiveness you offer. I want to spend more time with you. I want to be consumed by your powerful love, so that I may be transformed. Guide me, as I make these changes in my life, and help my intentions and actions be sincere to my initial goal. I want to resolve my life to you, over and over and over again.

Amen.